Waking Nightmares

I don’t know if dreams have any spiritual significance, or if it is simply the mind processing subconscious information. All that I do know is that when I do dream and remember it, it’s usually nightmares. And, significant or not, when I wake from these aliens worlds and impossible situations, it has a real, literal effect on my mood and even my body. In this sense, there is something real and significant about dreams, but I’m no expert and make no claims.

A common feature of my nightmares is a lack of control. I am sure most can relate to the trying to scream but can’t, or trying to run and feeling like you are stuck in sludge while dreaming. If I choose to fight an enemy in my nightmares, I am never strong enough to swing whatever “weapon” I find in my hands with sufficient force. In the midst of ever changing fluid chaos, often I have an overwhelming sense of impending doom. Anxiety by an unknown force is terrible. I prefer zombie dreams to that. Then, at least, I know what I’m running from.

I have had dreams of different worlds, alternate realities, apocalyptic scenarios, and some almost plausible ones. Last night was a cross between an alternate reality in a town I’ve never been to and relapse dream. Unlike my usual drinking dreams, instead of unwittingly taking a drink or trying to get away with just a few, I was catapulted directly into the misery of the final stages of my alcoholism. The pain and fear of trying to find the next drink and terror of having to start facing withdrawal. It was palpable. I woke up sweating and had the “jitters” all morning long. It was awful.

I have zero intentions on going out and grabbing a drink. So, if this was some sort of cosmic warning or reminder of the pain I’ve experience as the result of my drinking, message received and completely unnecessary!

I need to start working on positive visualization before falling asleep. I think it could help my subconscious not be so fearful and gloomy. Perhaps that will help or perhaps not, but I have to do something as falling asleep exhausted and waking up even more so is getting very, very old.

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