Silent Screams

When I hurt too much, or experience any negative feeling too intensely, I shut down. I can’t write. I can’t talk. All I can do is try and hold myself together as I’m being ripped apart from the inside out. I hate it. I equally hate talking about it. I don’t know how to put words to the feeling of suffocating while I breath. How can I explain the all consuming fury inside when I appear calm and indifferent. I know these feelings are futile and will pass. I know not to dwell on them, but I know all the same I have to fucking feel them. What good can I do to make anything easier? I pray, I go to meetings, I tackle things one small bit at a time, but I always wind up back here: exhausted, overwhelmed, angry and alone… uhg. >_<